I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
