I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
