at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
