trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
