if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
