Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
