Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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