hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
