i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
