I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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