kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
