pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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