I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
