your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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