the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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