But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
