Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
