OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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