this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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