she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
