There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
