its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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