there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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