did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
