Porn is love you can see.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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