3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
