he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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