Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
