Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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