winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
