Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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