She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just threw up on my dentist
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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