I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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