Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
