If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
