got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
