we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
only if we run a train.
done.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
