What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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