i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Less talking, more tequila
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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