imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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