I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she looked like the before picture.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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