If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
