Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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