the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
