i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
