It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
