it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
