At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
