I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
