I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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