i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
