i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Less talking, more tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
