He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
