All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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