only you would photoshop your dick
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
