Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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