You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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