I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have feelings that need drinking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
