so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
