she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
