Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
