Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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