Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
