Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
