i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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