went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
